Are we ready for Summer?
Summertime is here!!!!! Yay…
(enter screeching brake sounds)
Now what?
Looking at the calendar with summer coming can make us feel a bit anxious given we have already been home for two months in a global pandemic. Usually looking at summer ahead, means relief. No more tournaments, recitals, end of school parties, running to and fro usually creates a big release in our tense shoulders and hectic schedules.
Here’s the thing, summer is a little exciting too. No more elearning! Woohoo! But can we be honest for a minute, what are we going to do all day long for 3 more months or goodness knows how much longer.
So as I was looking into some summertime planning, I felt a nudge of God to pump the brakes a bit. He was asking me to check in a bit with my soul. How was I holding up? How am I feeling? How do I plan to take care of myself during this transition? These are hard questions but I believe to move forward well, we need to reflect where we are right now.
Before we start making plans for our summer, I believe we need to take a little soul inventory. Since these last few months have been full of life changing circumstances, it is possible that we may be a little disconnected, not from each other, but from ourselves.
As a mom bear, when a crisis hits, it can be completely natural to make sure all the baby bears are okay. Especially when those baby bears now need full days of school work help, just saying! I presume that over the last couple months, we have spent a lot of time, managing a lot of different plates for our people, our jobs and our homes.
That is why I am challenging you over this week to do a self check in. I am going to ask some prompting questions each day here on the blog and across social media. I challenge you to take 10 minutes to yourself to write down your thoughts to these questions.
Before we can go forward, we really need to be more self aware. I will be doing this along with you. I do believe this can be the best summer ever for you & your family.
Love, B
Hope for the Weary Soul
We were cruising down the interstate with the windows down, sunroof open all of us singing at the top of our lungs.
“Open the grave, I’m coming out, I’m going live, going to live again.
This is the sound of Dry Bones Rattling”
Lyrics from Rattle, Elevation Worship
The strong beat of this anthem always gets us fired up. The repeating of the chorus and the shout of “Live, Live” gets us all excited, shouting and laughing as we yell “live” to each other.
After the song was over, I asked the kids if they knew what the song was talking about when it said “dry bones hear the word of the Lord” or if they knew what “dry bones rattling” meant.
This was a story from the Bible my kids were not familiar with. Frankly, it was a story I needed to revisit. So, over some sub sandwiches, I read them the story of Ezekiel.
Ezekiel 37 NLT The Lord took hold of me, and I was carried away by the Spirit of the Lord to a valley filled with bones. 2 He led me all around among the bones that covered the valley floor. They were scattered everywhere across the ground and were completely dried out. 3 Then he asked me, “Son of man, can these bones become living people again?”
“O Sovereign Lord,” I replied, “you alone know the answer to that.”
4 Then he said to me, “Speak a prophetic message to these bones and say, ‘Dry bones, listen to the word of the Lord! 5 This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Look! I am going to put breath into you and make you live again! 6 I will put flesh and muscles on you and cover you with skin. I will put breath into you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”
7 So I spoke this message, just as he told me. Suddenly as I spoke, there was a rattling noise all across the valley. The bones of each body came together and attached themselves as complete skeletons. 8 Then as I watched, muscles and flesh formed over the bones. Then skin formed to cover their bodies, but they still had no breath in them.
9 Then he said to me, “Speak a prophetic message to the winds, son of man. Speak a prophetic message and say, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, O breath, from the four winds! Breathe into these dead bodies so they may live again.’”
10 So I spoke the message as he commanded me, and breath came into their bodies. They all came to life and stood up on their feet—a great army.
11 Then he said to me, “Son of man, these bones represent the people of Israel. They are saying, ‘We have become old, dry bones—all hope is gone. Our nation is finished.’ 12 Therefore, prophesy to them and say, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: O my people, I will open your graves of exile and cause you to rise again. Then I will bring you back to the land of Israel. 13 When this happens, O my people, you will know that I am the Lord. 14 I will put my Spirit in you, and you will live again and return home to your own land. Then you will know that I, the Lord, have spoken, and I have done what I said. Yes, the Lord has spoken!’”
In this passage, God instructed Ezekiel to prophecy over the dry bones. He told them to live and breathe again. He wanted His people to have hope and live again. God wanted Ezekiel to understand His Power, His Glory and the strength of our words. He told Ezekiel to command dry bones come to life and they did.
God wanted Ezekiel to declare life and hope over a desperate situation.
And I believe He is asking us to do the same!
I believe now more than ever we are reminded of the importance of what comes out of our mouth. We are inside with the same people continuously. There is a lot of "togetherness". We are reminded that words we speak create a rhythm in our home. They create a song in our soul.
Are we living in hopeful expectancy that God is going to move in this situation?
Are we declaring God's truth filled promises over this uncertain situation?
On a simpler level, are we speaking words of encouragement, victory and joy over our kids?
Are we using the excuse of “funny and sarcastic” to speak cruel, condescending words to those closest to us? Yikes, that one hits a little too close for this gal.
What we say matters to those around us, but also to our own mental health. We have to receive God's love and grace for ourselves before we can pour it out to others.
Here are some words of truth to speak over your soul in case you need a bit of encouragement:
I am a child of God (John 1:12)
I have peace with God (Rom 5:1)
I am chosen by God, holy and dearly loved (Col 3:12)
I have the mind of Christ (1 Cor 2:16)
I have been given a spirit of power, love and a sound mind (2 Tim 1:7)
I am confident that the good work that God has begun in me will be perfected (Phil 1:6)
I can do all things through Christ, who gives me the strength I need. (Phil 4:13)
Let’s change the tone in our homes and in our minds!
Love, B
Help with Homeschool
You know what gets me fired up.. well, a lot things really. I should really work on that.
Anyway, what gets me fired up is creating order out of chaos. I love to see a mess and slowly put things in order. I love to look at a hard situation and find solutions that serve everyone.
So when my children, I decided a strict schedule for the long summer days would make everyone happy. It would be like school and everyone would be excited about all the different plans I had for the day.
Imagine my disbelief when I was loosing my marbles because the outdoor time ran into snack time, and the quiet time after lunch did not last that long.
Oh I was so precious, wasn't I?
I learned then and know now that a strict routine does not work for our home. I like the idea of rhythms better. Rhythms are approached with ease. Rhythms are flexible. Rhythms allow breathing space. Creating a rhythm frees our minds to make less decisions during your day. Rhythms are what we are using in home school right now. Below is a daily rhythm I have created for our family.
I encourage you to create a rhythm to your days so we can all feel more accomplished at the end of our day.
Love, B
Gain Control in a Out of Control World
Most nights I am so tired, at least I think I am. Yet once my head hits the pillow, my mind races.
How will homeschooling go combined with my work?
How will our small business be affected by all this?
How will summer and fall look?
How long would this last?
How will my dear friend that’s a single mother do all this?
What about another dear friend that was laid off?
How in the world were we all going to do this?
I am sure these are questions we have all had in one form or another since living in a worldwide pandemic.
Normally, my heart races and my breath quickens. Each night I have to make a choice.
Either I can trust my limited self to carry us through this uncertain time or I can trust Our God to handle it. Either I can stress and let my mind go bananas (still happens sometimes) or I can continually return to God and rest in His Sovereignty.
And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 NLT
This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength. But you would have none of it”. Isaiah 30:15
These two scriptures remind us that Who is in control and what we can do. These scriptures don’t say in planning, stressing and obsessing will you be saved or find strength. They say our strength will be found in trusting Him, in confidence in Him, in returning to Him sometimes over and over again. Having quiet confidence in Him gives us strength. We are also reminded that He will supply all our needs.
We must continually declare these truths over our situation, sometimes minute to minute. I know I have too.
Love, B
Help with Quarantine Anxiety
I always have a choice. Jennie Allen
Originally, I was marinating on this quote from Jennie Allen’s new book, Get Out Of Your Head. It is a phenomenal book that I highly recommend. Jennie talks about the importance of knowing you always have a choice in your response, your actions and your attitude.
We have been talking a lot about this at home with our family. It applies to middle school drama, school work, housework, attitudes about life and parents (lol) and pretty much everything.
I realized today that it also applies to this crazy new season we find ourselves in. COV-19 has come to the United States and it is rocking our world. Our everyday routines, schedules and plans have been flipped on their heads. It’s like someone came and ripped the carpet right out from underneath us. It can lead to feelings of anxiety, restlessness and frustration. Please say its not just me :).
But you know what, I always have a choice.
I started marinating on that phrase again yesterday when one kid started an "organizing lego project" that got sidetracked into dumping all legos out and stopping to play Xbox one. And then another kid, decided to "redecorate their room" which got sidetracked into piles and piles of stuff scattered everywhere while making TikToks. Days like these can make a momma loose her cool. Mess and chaos everywhere- Ain't nobody got time for that!
But I always have a choice.
One of the most important things I talk about in simplifying your life, is identifying what season you are in. If you are home with a newborn or baby not sleeping through the night, it is probably not realistic for you to have a daily 530am workout. Don't do that to yourself. Be honest and know what season you are in.
So we have to be honest about where we are here in the middle of a pandemic of COV-19. We are not on vacation. This is not snow days off of school. This is different. I am choosing to understand where we are as a nation, community and as a family, which is frankly uncertain.
Uncertainty is hard. Uncertain futures and plans are hard. Uncertain income and stability is hard. Uncertain health and crises are hard. Uncertain day to day is really hard.
But we all always have a choice.
We can choose to see this time as a gift instead of a burden. We can choose faith in a Sovereign God that this is all no surprise too.
Now, I am not saying it doesn’t feel weird. But I am saying we can ignite our faith in times of uncertainty. We can intentionally pray over our leaders, families and world in these seasons of uncertainty. We can choose a lot of grace in our homes with our people and ourselves.
Either way, we always have a choice.
How are you choosing today?
Love, B
When it feels like God is not there
Do you ever feel like you get so distracted that you miss the gifts right in front of you? I know I do. Last week, I had a couple minutes to spare so I zipped myself down to the beach. Early in the morning before the crowds come out, I love to walk along the beach to clear my head.
In the winter months, I don’t see the ocean as much. Maybe it’s the wind chill, the busyness of schedules, the endless demands on our time, or maybe it’s the thought of making extra time to get down there feels pointless in a sea of time demands, either way I don’t see the ocean as much in the winter.
Last week, when I made the time to get down to the beach, the Lord tenderly reminded me just as the ocean was still there even though I had not seen it or felt it…
so was He.
Life can sometimes show us so much suffering. Do you feel it? There are nasty, negative commercials about politics on our TVs and radio, loved ones are hearing hard diagnoses, our kids are being plummeted with faster, better, more in all facets of development, cancer seems more rampant than ever, job loss, brutality and we wonder where is God in all of this.
Or maybe it’s just me, I tend to look up to God and say, “Are you serious right now?”
But just as the ocean was still there, even though I hadn’t seen it or felt it lately, so is God.
He sees every medical office with every hard conversation. He sees every classroom where kids are hurting, scared and overwhelmed. He sees every painful conversation, every rejection, every scary situation. He sees the future. He knows what is to come in everything.
I don’t know who needed this reminder today, but He’s still here. He hasn’t left us in the darkness. He is still adoring us and cherishing our loved ones.
Something about the vastness of the ocean reminds me of the Lord’s power, strength and sovereignty. I am reminded that He’s got it all under control. If He can cover this large body of water that stretches over the whole earth daily and control its tides, then I think He’s got me and you sister.
Love, B
10 Ways to Slow Down Your Life
Do you ever feel like you are barely keeping your head above water? I know I do. The last couple weeks I shared with you about my tendency to pile too much on, then spill it on those closest to me. I also have a tendency to think I am managing everything and everyone well, but my soul and body are screaming otherwise.
Some days I do want to throw in the towel, I admit. But I can’t, these parts of life aren’t going anywhere. I believe knowing your personal “red flags” can help prevent the breakdown. In this post, I shared some of my own red flags to consider in your life.
After realizing we may be headed into a breakdown, what can we do to help manage all our responsibilities better?
The answer lies in margin.
Dr. Richard Swenson in his incredible book titled Margin, defines margin as ’the space between our load and our limits”. There has to be some space in our days between our load and our limits to listen to our souls and let the Holy Spirit speak.
You are probably like, “Yes, I need that, but how in the world do I incorporate that?”
Funny you should ask, here are ten different ways to incorporate more margin into your life.
Take a walk during the day. When I worked long shifts at the hospital, I would go take a walk outside sometimes twice a day. It was nice to reminded of the beautiful outdoors. It reminded me that the world was still going on outside while I had been so engulfed in my work.
Sit down to eat your meals. Not in your car, not at your desk, not shove and run, really sit down and eat.
Allow 10 minutes between each appointment. Hopping from meeting to meeting? Try to schedule a break in between.
Give yourself the gift of at least 20 minutes a day. Get up early in the morning, take a long bath at night, or lock yourself in the bathroom, which I totally used to do. Just make it a priority to treat yourself daily.
Take a nap. I used to have a sweet friend that would go to her car every day during lunch, set an alarm and take a quick nap to revive herself. Seriously research it, some of the most successful people take a daily power nap.
Make your to do list for the day, but then prioritize 1-2 things. By prioritizing your most important daily task, you can focus on what really matters and let go of the rest. You can also experience a quick win by completing your most important task; thereby providing momentum to complete another.
Let someone help you. Enough said. People ask, so say yes. There is no gold medal at the end of this race for doing it all by yourself. (Preaching to myself)
Set an alarm on your phone three times a day to stop. Spend that time being grateful, praying, sitting still, closing your eyes, whatever works. I learned this from Jen Hatmaker’s book, 7 Days of Christmas. This pause allows for you to gain some perspective in the day to day tasks.
Journal- Girl, get those thoughts out on paper. Enough of this marinating in your head with all the crazy. Brain dump it out!
Take 3 slow, deep breaths when you start to feel anxious, or irritated. Deep breathing is something we rarely do. The action of deep breathing brings much needed oxygen to our frontal lobes of our brains. This portion of the brain is responsible for information thinking, rational thought, basically levelheaded thinking. We need this part of our brain to make decisions. Making decisions from the emotional brain can lead to further frustration. The smart part of the brain is there to assist but we must slow down enough to allow it.
I challenge you to try one of these today. Let me know how it goes. I would love to hear from you!
Love, B
Help to Avoid Burnout - Part 2
Last week, I shared how I dropped my lunch while I was carrying 455 things in my hands on my way outside. When the lunch bowl dropped, cauliflower rice went everywhere. I tried to clean it all up by hand but there was so much that I ended up grabbing the vacuum cleaner to get the last little bits up. Feeling pretty accomplished and laughing at myself for such a dumb move, I cleaned up the mess and put the vacuum away and went about my day.
A couple days later, I was walking by the vacuum closet and there was this disgusting smell. Now some of you smart Martha Stewart types may have seen this coming a mile away, but me not so much. Any who, I am walking by the closet and it reeks. I start pulling out coolers, beach bags, shopping bags and sniffing them all with no culprit to be found. Then my eyes notice the vacuum and I am quickly reminded of how I cleaned up my cauliflower rice mess a couple days prior.
I sit there thinking to myself, you big doofus, the cauliflower rice is going to stink up the vacuum. It needed to be emptied out. Vacuuming up the mess was really a band aid to the issue. I thought I had cleaned up my mess because the floor looked pretty and there was no evidence of the mess in the room. But the truth was I had just transferred the mess to another location.
Don’t we do that? We think we’ve got it all handled. The activities, our health, the house, the job, the kids… we’ve got all the plates spinning. Meanwhile, one’s falling off over here, so we run, catch it and spin that one faster. Then one kid gets cut from the team, so we go put energy over there and spend that plate. Then the toilet starts making a funny noise, so we call the plumber and spin that plate. The house is a mess, laundry is boiling over, work needs you ASAP.. you get my drift! It’s a delicate dance to say the least.
And goodness gracious y’all, it’s necessary sometimes. All these plates really are blessings. We can’t avoid the crazy all the time. My point is not how to avoid it all (not possible in my opinion), but to how to manage it all better. Sweeping it up with the vacuum and transferring the mess is not the solution. Ask me how I know ;)
It just leads to a stench somewhere else.
Are we just transferring our messes to another spot?
Are you thinking you cleaned it all up, but not really dealing with the issue at hand?
Honestly, I can be so guilty of this. Manage it all, keep everyone afloat, all the while, my insides are slowly fading. My mind, heart and soul are a mess. I have not done one thing for myself and I am a ticking time bomb.
So, what is the solution, you might ask? Well, its margin.
We have to allow margin in our day to day activities. If we are always running from one thing to the next, we don’t have time to actually notice what we are feeling.
We are just letting our life happen to us versus leading our own lives.
Slowing down allows for our minds to process and gain clarity. We are actually really smart with great ideas, but we never give our minds and hearts a minute to lead us in our next steps.
Also, I believe we have the Holy Spirit as a guide. How in the world are we supposed to follow that prompting or leading from the Holy Spirit if we are not slowing down enough to even feel or hear it?
Stick with me next week and I will show you some ways to incorporate more margin into your life.
But this week I want us to just be "noticers". We need be aware and pay attention to our thoughts and actions. Are we taking work deadline stress and transferring it to our child for not cleaning out their lunch box- oops? Are we disengaged from dinner conversation because we’ve got nothing left in the tank?
Food for thought: What are we sacrificing in an effort to get it all done?
Love, B
Help to Avoid Burnout - Part 1
The other day while I was gloriously multitasking (insert eye roll), I decided to take my lunch outside. It was a nice, warm day and a welcome change to my workday. I spend most of my workday staring at computer screen, so I welcomed the chance for fresh air and sunlight.
So, in my true perfectionist tendencies, I gathered my lunch on a plate with a bowl on top, a drink, my opened laptop computer and my phone to head outside. With one accidental swipe with the door, the bowl went tumbling down to the floor and distributed my whole lunch all over the floor. My lunch consisted of cauliflower rice and veggies, so there were small pieces of cauliflower rice everywhere. It was a wet, gross, large disaster!
To say I had a little too much on my plate would be the understatement of the century. Why could I not just walk the food outside, then make another quick turn to come back inside and get my computer? I mean would it honestly hurt my progress or my daily routine to make two trips outside to get all that I need? Bless…
The truth is I can get in this rut where I live my life like that. I pile it on, pile on more and then I spill it. Usually, I spill on those closest to me. You know, the ones that live in my home. The ones I love the most.
Over time, I have learned some red flags to watch for as I lead into spillage or an "Overload Breakdown". If we are to prevent overload, we must watch for the red flags and course correct before the spillage or breakdown happens.
Here are some red flags we need to watch for:
Trouble sleeping
Inability to make simple decisions
Negativity
Complaining
Short tempered
Demanding more coffee and less water (I need to get through the day...ugh)
Irritability
Every minute squeezed out with a task
Please know this is not an exhaustive list, but ones I have noticed personally. Maybe these resonate with you. I believe self-awareness is a great tool. By tracking and evaluating our actions and emotions, we can better prevent the breakdown.
Stick with me next week, where I will share Part 2 of this mess and how I thought I cleaned everything up instead I had really just created more of mess. Bless my heart!
What are some “red flags” in your life that you are headed into an Overload Breakdown?
Resting- What’s the Big Deal?
I am always looking for things that will keep me motivated to keep my working out. Sometimes, it’s the beautiful, warm weather that gets me moving. Sometimes, it’s a sermon that I am loving that will push me a little longer. Sometimes (a lot of times), its 90s hip hop jams pushing me a little further in my workout.
Recently, I have been using the Nike training app. It’s a pretty sweet app that has a trainer walking you through workouts step by step. Having a trainer in my ear does motivate me. The trainer will also guide me through proper body positions (i.e. suck in this, relax that) to prevent injuries. And as a 40-year-old momma, I am always trying to prevent injury.
In one of my workouts a couple weeks ago, the kind trainer voice (By the way, ain’t nobody got time for some harsh, mean trainer yelling at me) says “Okay now it’s time to rest. Make the most of this rest and recovery time so you can get the most out of the next activity coming up.”
I mean BOOM! I felt like the Lord was like this is WHY taking time to rest is so important.
I believe there is a lot of confusion about taking time to rest.
Some may think resting is a sign of weakness. What, you can’t keep up?
Some may believe they are missing out on fun things if they rest. I mean, FOMO is alive and well.
Some, like myself, struggle just to come down off the hamster wheel of life to allow rest in. I can get so wound up getting everything done, everyone where they need to be and trying to control everything that I have a hard time chilling out. Please tell me I am not alone!
But here lies a hard truth.
The harder it seems for you to find to rest,
the more desperately you need it.
And I don’t think God gave us the gift of rest to just make us stop for a hot minute, I believe He also knew we would need the energy to prepare us for our next adventure, or simply our next week. Just like the trainer in the Nike app said, “rest & recover, so you can make the most out of the next activity”.
So now when I schedule in rest for our family, I approach it from a completely different standpoint. I approach the need for rest so that we recover from the prior and we are prepared for the future.
So, are you scheduling in rest for you and your family? If you want to be at your best, focused, energized and clear headed, rest has to be a vital part of your week.
Let me know how you do this for yourself. And drop me a note to let me how you do this for your family.
Love, B
Are We Allowed to be Sick?
It’s a funny thing when we don’t feel well. Earlier this week, my body was achy, and my throat was sore. I was afraid I was coming down with the flu. I had been exposed to it the week prior, so I was afraid it was my turn.
Can I admit to you the mental Olympics that I tortured myself with? It went something like this.
Maybe I should just push through?
I am eating too much sugar- this is all my fault.
I should have not said yes to all this stuff.
I have too much on my plate.
If I just get some more sleep tonight, I’ll be better.
I can’t take off of work, I am needed.
It’s too much!
Not to be too dramatic, but I literally exhausted myself trying to push away my feelings of sickness, all the while torturing myself thinking it was my fault.
The crazy part of all of this is if one of you would have told me you felt this way, achy, tired, sore throat, I would have been like "Oh, please take care of yourself! Do you need anything? Sounds like you need rest!" But why would I talk that way to myself?!
Why are we our own worst critic? And why won’t we allow ourselves just too, I don’t know, be human? And why can we encourage and validate others but not ourselves?
Are we holding ourselves to a higher standard than God does?
I think so.
Does God ask for perfect, on point, 100% of the time?
Not a chance!
On the contrary, He begs us to come to Him and He will give us rest. In the book of Matthew, Jesus clearly states the below. I love The Message translation.
Matthew 11:28-30 The Message (MSG)
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.
Sounds pretty good right? Is that the voice of gentleness and rest inside your head? Yeah, not mine either. But I am working on it this year!
The apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12: 9 that God's power works best in weakness. Paul is talking here about an affliction he suffered with. Some believe it to be an addiction or handicap, nevertheless he begged God to take it away, but this was God's response.
Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2 Cor 12:9 NLT
Weakness, people. It’s like the complete opposite of what the world is screaming at us. Tough and push though are deeply rewarded. Weakness is definitely not the goal.
Can we all just give ourselves permission to not be 100%, on point, all the time? Maybe we should listen to our bodies when they are hurting or fatigued. Maybe we need to make time to rest and ask for help. Maybe we need to understand that its Gods hands the world sits in, not ours.
Oh, I don't know about you, but I can be so hardheaded! In my life, I have had to learn this lesson over and over. So this time in pure exhaustion, I laid myself down, watched some TV and dozed on and off for a couple days. I asked for help when needed. I said no to work and took the days off. Oh, how my body needed it!
So, I am challenging you, as a friend but also as a nurse, this winter season when sickness does tend to be more rampant.
How are you taking care of your body?
Are you proactively planning some rest time?
Are you going to take the measures necessary to heal your body when you are sick?
I think you should. Your mind, body, soul and loved ones would be better for it.
Love, B
If you want to talk more health and wellness, please let me know! I would love to share more.
When Things Don’t Go According to Plan
Have you ever had one of those days when you are feeling it? You know what I am talking about. The to-do list is dwindling down by the minute because you are checking things off. The laundry is in, emails are being controlled, kids are pleasant and it's smooth sailing.
This is when I start to think I might have figured out the secret. How to do it all and still be nice!
I am a champion, hear me roar!
Too far? I know… just ignore me.
Any who, I was having one of those days a little while ago and wow I was so proud of myself. Mentally I was taking notes so I could feel like this every day. “Yep, this is it. This is how you do it”
But then, basically right before dinner time, the walls of my treacherous fort of order, agenda and perfection came crashing down. My husband decided to start a massive project in the middle of the living area, the kids were hungry and (I am sure you couldn’t see the writing on the wall), I was tired. All my doing, rushing, accomplishing had left me tired.
To top it all off, why wasn’t everyone complying to my plans to relax in the evening. To chill and have a nice quiet night at home. I mean this was it. The rest of the week brings activities for the kiddos every.single.night. Basketball, dance, church, birthday parties… I mean this is not news to you all. This is just life. And a good life at that. Blessings really if I am honest!
So, I begrudgingly helped my husband with the project. We ate dinner. The kids were crazy as always. (I mean why do they get some weird second wind as we approach bedtime) Needless to say at bedtime, I had no words left. My mind and body had no capacity left to give. This happens a lot, just being honest here. So, off to bed we all went.
The next morning in my quiet time with the Lord, I was reflecting on what had went wrong the night before. I mean things were going so well. Am I that rigid? Am I that screwed up? Well, yes is the answer to both of those.
But the Lord started to show me other perspectives. My husband was thinking this was the only night to get this project put together and he thought it would make me happy, as it was something I wanted. And the kids were just being kids after a long day of school and practice. The problem was me and my agenda.
Sometimes, I get so focused on my plans, my ideas and my itinerary that I miss others. As the Lord revealed that to me, I was like “Do I do that to you Lord?” …. Umm yeah
But here’s the rub, we all do. We all have ideas, plans and ways we think God should deliver or act. We have ideas of how He should perform here and here. How He needs to do X, Y, Z in our lives. And He needs to fix ____ while He’s at it. I am guilty of telling God my plans and asking him to bless them. Geez…
News Flash: He doesn’t work that way. He loves me and you too much to bless our measly idea of the future plans.
He is an all knowing, powerful God. If I slow down long enough to be honest with myself, I want an all-knowing God that can see the future to make my plans, not me. I also know there are things that I need to learn, humbly learn to be a better mom, wife and child of God. And I can’t learn them if it's my way or the highway all the time.
Humility and surrender are not learned or practiced when everything is happening perfectly in the kingdom of ourselves.
That morning I was thankful for a merciful God that sees me rushing around, head held high, thinking I was all good on my own, and still loves me the same. I was quickly reminded that I am a child of God, not a god. Bless my heart, I get so off base easily.
So, today let us humbly seek what God has in store for us. May we listen to His promptings to slow down, notice others in our lives and consider other perspectives. It just might change our lives and someone else’s.
For the record, I apologized to my husband and kiddos for being a rude jerk the night before. I needed too.
Love, B
How to Start the New Year Right
It’s a lot, do you feel it? Happy New Year!
New Year, New You
New habits leave behind old habits.
Let’s work out more, but don’t work out too much.
Eat this, not that.
Pray more, worry less.
Goals, resolutions, Oh My!
It’s crazy out there and if you are like me, we feel the pressure. I mean I know it’s not all bad. I love a fresh new planner with crisp white pages ready for the promise of a better year. I love the possibilities, hope and excitement a new year brings. And I think a new year is the perfect catalyst to make some changes and spur you on for new beginnings.
But I also get so overwhelmed with all the changes I think I need to make that I end up doing nothing at all and then I feel like a giant failure. Well, isn’t everyone else out there crushing it, pursuing their dreams and being a new, better person. At least that’s what I tell myself.
So, the last couple years, I have had to take a minute in all the swirling thoughts and must-dos and…
Breathe
“What lady, are you crazy?”, you may say. This is the time to press forward, I am over the last year. Let me get on with it!
I know... I get it.
I want to press forward too. But for a moment, it’s more important to reflect a bit.
Ewww.. everyone says.. Reflect… that sounds boring!
Yes, I am challenging you to take 15 minutes today or sometime this week to reflect.
What do I mean by reflect? I challenge you to take some time to look back into the previous year. We have to understand where we have been and make sure we learned the lessons we needed from the previous year. We also need to make sure we are reflecting from the previous year, so we don’t repeat the same things again. I don’t know about you, but I want to move into this new year with a fresh perspective. I believe we can look back and let the previous year teach us a couple things. This way we take the good lessons into the new year and leave the negativity and misfortunes in the past.
I mean that’s a pretty good deal- Right?!
Here are a couple suggestions that may help you reflect over the last year. I am not saying you have to do them all, but I would suggest you do at least one.
Anytime we pause to get things out of our heads, we are clearing our minds for wiser choices and better discernment.
List 10 specific things you were grateful for in 2019
I like to open up my calendar to remember all the good that happened. I mean my memory extends about 15 minutes back, so I need the calendar. Looking back at my calendar prompts me to remember fun memories. Please know, you can find the good if you search hard enough. I have had very hard years that I could not get away from fast enough but taking a minute to find the good reminds us that God is in control and of His Faithfulness. Those are two vital things we need to take with us into the new year!
Write down what worked & what did not work in 2019
We did a lot last year. We said yes to a lot of really good things, but some just didn’t work for our family. You have to honor and know what works for you and your family. Listen we are not all the same. What energizes one family or friend, may completely deplete you. That’s wonderful that we are all not the same. Own who you are and who God made you to be!
So, when I look over the previous year for example, I try to consider what activities worked for the kiddos and what activities were more of a hassle. I also try to look at what rhythms that worked for our family and what did not. For instance, Sunday nights at home make a better Monday for our family. For some reason ever since my kids were little trying to squeeze an outing or gathering into a Sunday evening has just caused havoc to our week. I also try to reflect on what activities worked to renew me and my soul for the year. What did I do because I thought I “should” but then regretted it? All great things to ask ourselves.
Categories to Consider
My Soul/Faith
Marriage
Family (Kids)
Relationships (Friends, extended family)
Activities/Routines (can be separated if needed)
Rest
Home
Health
Reviewing these categories allows me to take the rhythms and “good” things into the new year and leave behind the ones that did not work.
Finally, I like to write a letter to God thanking Him for all He has done for me and my family in the previous year.
Please don’t let this one freak you out. Guess what, God is not concerned with your punctuation or elegance of words, He just wants your heart. So, release the pressure to write a long, elegant letter to Him. It may just be a list of what you are grateful for. It could be a swift note to say thank you, but I don’t understand what you are doing here. Just be honest! The letter not only reminds us of the good in our lives, but it also helps remind your heart and soul that God is in control! Again, walking into the new year, we need to be clear about Who is in charge.
We are going to work out some new things in the New Year, no need to fret. But I challenge you to pick one of these today to reflect on and move into the new year with gratitude and a fresh perspective!
Love, B
Gain Grace in Parenting
It all begins with an idea.
“Good Morning to you, Good Morning to you, Good Morning my little child, Good Morning to you”
That’s how it all started. Since my kids were babies, I would sing that song sometimes to wake them up. I am not a morning person. I wake up earlier than them to get in coffee & Jesus, which allows me to sometimes sing to wake them up. So I go in to wake up one of my kiddos that will remain nameless and immediately “please stop singing”. I laugh it off, no biggie. Then said child starts to unravel with anger to start off the day. Yelling at “Alexa” to know the time, huffing and puffing while getting dressed, then angrily yelling at Alexa to get the weather report. As I am in the kitchen, I can hear this dynamic going down.
“Have no fear, this mom has been down this road before and she can handle this!”
So, I calmly walk in the room and say, “Hey you have plenty of time to get ready, there is no need for all this, it will be okay”. The anger from said child ensues. I see it in their eyes -the distress, the drama.
So I stop, I comfort and hug them to tell them its okay. NO!!! NO! that is not what I do. I loose my mind, people!
I am like “Oh this how you want to do morning time, yelling, mad, yelling at Alexa, barking at your momma, Oh well we can do it this way… get your clothes on, get our here for breakfast, growling at the kid, yelling back. Is this it? This how you like it? We can do it like this morning thing mad & yelling.”
Dear God, have mercy! That is how I handled a child’s meltdown by melting down with them. Bless…
There were tears and apologies later on. I would love to tell you we all went about our days with smiles, prayers and well wishes. But is was more like a half hug with a ” I love you” mumbled out the door.
Later that morning, I am so angry at myself and embarrassed. Have you ever been there? See for the last couple nights, I had been feeling like we were getting to bed too late and things were chaotic (more than usual). I had not been speaking up and getting in the bed earlier. So when all that went down, I was mad at myself for not speaking up the previous three nights. I was also mad at myself for all that I had been doing and exhausting myself.
When we are worn down, our tempers flare a lot quicker.
I had spent Monday doing way too much between home, work and kids. Nothing earth shattering just too much, like there were not four more days in the week.
But as the morning went on, I was reminded by my Heavenly Father that I am not called to perfection. I am not called to be Super Mom. I am also not called to manage my work, my home and my family 100% all the time. It is just not physically possible.
I started to look at the situation for what it really is.
Our school schedule had recently changed requiring earlier morning start times.
We have started back to school now 442 times. Back to school and new change is hard for said child. Predictability and order are their love languages.
Our evenings are just busier than they have ever been. Older kids have more homework, more activities and later finish times from school equaling less chill time at home<— Which we believe is vital!
I have a large deadline this week at work, so “Hello- Pressure”.
I have traveled the last two weekends for AMAZING times with family, friends & fellowship, but nonetheless it still being away.
I also was reminded of TRUTH in this situation. I always preach to my children, what is the truth in this situation? So I had to preach to myself.
Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1I can not let shame and condemnation settle in my soul about this. It will slowly kill my ability to move forward.
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7
I was operating out of fear that morning. I mean said child was disrespectful and momma ain’t got time for that. That anger comes out like— Oh, heck no you are going to talk to me like that! I can be afraid of being disrespected. I can be afraid they are going to grow up disrespectful and annoying- just sayin’. But these fears are not from my Loving Heavenly Father, so I have to cover them with truth. My Father has given me a spirit of power (I can thrive as the mother of these children), and of love (yikes, love was in that conversation but not the “spirit” of where the conversation went)Hello I lost my mind.But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9Friends, look our Heavenly father covers us. These kiddos are His before they are ours. This is not license to throw caution to the wind, because we have a responsibility. He has blessed us with the people in our lives, so He will empower and equip us to love on them.
Finally, a wise friend to told me once, that our children don’t need to see us always doing everything and being everything to everyone.They need to see us saying “no”, saying we are tired, talking about our stressful days. This world is hard. If we are always smiling, saying yes to everything, not admitting our limits, then what does that teach them?! We all need more authenticity in our lives!
Either way, we are loved by the only Perfect One. He is not keeping a record of our faults. He is covering us with His Grace and Favor. So shake off those human moments, talk to your kids honestly about where you are at, ask for forgiveness, say your sorry’s, laugh about it with a friend and move forward!
Love, B
How To Avoid Analysis Paralysis
It all begins with an idea.
I am sitting here trying to make a grocery list, Costco list and a Target list. It sounds so elementary. I am an adult, this is what adults do.
But I can not for the life of me, make any forward progress. I scroll Facebook, review some groups I am a part of, scroll Instagram, research hotels for our spring break trip (which I have done now on & off for two months without a decision), I answer some emails, I make coffee again and finally I go eat some more food.
Ugh, have you ever been there? Its Analysis Paralysis.
It creeps in on me when I am least expecting it. I think I am rolling along pretty good, then…
BAM here it comes… like a soft draft of air that you can’t feel but all the sudden you are cold.
Its so annoying, but let’s see it for what it really is – anxiety.
Yes, analysis paralysis for me is anxiety strangling me with indecision. I will just get overwhelmed then consequently shut down.
First, I must acknowledge where I am. I used to just push forward and get myself more in a funk. So now, I stop first.
Here are some strategies that can help:
1- Eat a high protein, high (good) fat meal with little carbohydrates.
The stress response in the brain in biochemically supported by simple sugars. It is our goal to stop the spiraling of the stress response. By eating a high protein/ high fat meal, you help support the brain which is made up of primarily fat. With good fats and protein, your brain becomes more attuned to focus. For me, I ate two scrambled eggs with chopped avocado on top with a bit of cheese.
2-Do a brain dump.
I mostly do mine on paper. I write down the responsibilities I have currently Then I continue with all the stuff I am marinating on in my head. I write down my fears, pains, confusing and anxious thoughts.
Half of the battle is won by getting those racing thoughts out of our heads.
By writing them down or speaking them, you are decreasing the power they have in your mind.
3-Do the next right thing.
I can not take credit for this term. Emily Freeman, an amazing author, uses this phrase through her podcast and new book. This is such a simple concept that we often overlook.
After I ate, I washed my dishes, which sounds silly. Normally I will leave them in the sink. But not washing the dishes in the sink left one more thing undone. So, I needed a small win and washing dishes it was. Its funny how one small win can propel you forward. Then I wrote my grocery list down and processed a little more information.
4-I put my phone down.
Did you think we could come out of this anxiety, swirling thoughts conversation without talking about our new appendage our phones? Not a chance. We spend so much time scrolling. Our brains were seriously not created to know that much information in such short bursts of time. Our brains can not process what is going on in our home town, our home state, home country and foreign nations all within five minutes, but we shove that much information in on a repeated basis. I do not need to know what my favorite author and her kids are up too today, as well as how your kid is performing at school and how much you bought at Costco. It is truly insane but we torture ourselves repeatedly with it.
Not to mention, the comparison and sizing up we do to ourselves and our loved ones because of it. Oh you took a vacation for spring break, we couldn’t afford that this year.. cue the resentment. Oh, they spent Saturday together as a sweet family exploring a new place, we had to clean rooms and the kids fought all day.. cue the shame.
5- Listen to your soul.
I got quiet. Finally, I spent some time listening to my soul to see what all this anxiety was all about and where it was coming from. This can be done through prayer, journaling, walking, or talking to a trusted friend. Find what works for you, but let it move you forward.
Sometimes for me, it is all the responsibilities I have and I need to ask for help. Sometimes, I need to incorporate some more self care into my routine. Or maybe you have something you know you need to do that you are procrastinating on.
I hope these tips can help in those moments of anxiousness and analysis paralysis. Please know you are not alone in this! I know I will need to come back and read this again to myself.
Love, B
What Are You Focused On this Holiday Season?
It all begins with an idea.
Are you ever out in public and you see another person out talking to their kids or shopping and you think… “Yep, that girl, she is my people”? Its like there is an instant connection because she gets you and you get her.
Well, that was me this past Sunday. We are here in the thick of the Holiday buzz of Christmas shopping and finalizing details of Christmas. The kids have one week of school left before winter break. So, all of us mommas are in Target gathering supplies, snacks, and last-minute gifts.
I turn the corner in the toy section and I hear this momma saying “boys, quit touching all those things, get away from there, come on now, I need you to move out of the toy section and with me down here. We have teacher gifts to buy”.
I was all like – Yes, that is my girl right there. She is on a mission and it does not involve buying her kids more toys. I even laughed out loud and said “Yes, boys, us mommas are on a mission.”
Side note: I can be largely awkward and blurt things out to strangers. Sorry in advance.
Thankfully, this mom laughed, and we all went about our way.
I laughed too because my family had just left the mall, which is not where I want to be on a Sunday afternoon one and a half weeks before Christmas. In the mall, I had to get on to one of my kids to move it down the center aisle so we could get out of there quickly. I was like, “I need you to move towards the door so we can get out of here.” I was on a mission and I needed all parties to focus!
All of this got me thinking about how we were on mission that day. How that mom and myself were focused and not letting our kiddos sway us. We knew why we were there at Target. And we knew how to accomplish it. I admired that mom because she was funny, but she was also intentional and purposeful.
I felt like God was tapping me on the shoulder asking me to look around at other things in my life and ask…
Are you that “on mission” in other areas of your life?
And by on mission, I mean focused, intentional, and purposeful.
Am I giving the mission minded attention to the right things in my life?
Am I focused and intentional about the right things?
If I say God is important to me, am I intentional and focused in my relationship with Him?
If I say I want my life to slow down, am I intentional and purposeful with my Yes’s and No’s?
We can’t say we want our family time to be important but stay on our phones the whole time while we are with our kids. The intention and the action don’t match up. And our people know it!
I once heard someone say the best thing you can do for your kids is to smile when they walk in the room. You know why? Because the intention and the action match up then. The smiling shows you love them, you are happy to see them. But if we are mumbling to them while scrolling on our phones, then what action does that show?
So, let's take some time as we go into the Holiday season to think about what our live's show we are intentional about?
Do our lives show we are intentional about Target because recently that seems to be my focus, to get it all done? Honest answer.
But maybe this week, we could take some time to plan dinner with the family to discuss our days. Or maybe we could carve out thirty minutes to take a walk because our health is important to us.
Take sometime to think...
What do I want to be on mission for?
What are some ways I can have my actions line up with that intention this week?
Happy Holidays friends!
Love, B
Is It Supposed to be This Hard?
It all begins with an idea.
My mind has a lot of ideas.
Some good, I think.
Some crazy, for sure!
Some ideas are too big, too scary, too weird, too uncomfortable.
Lately, I have been wrestling with the idea of comfort. Comfort is key, or is it?
All my life, I have worked to be comfortable. To make life easier and smoother. I certainly parent a lot from this place. Don't let the kids get too tired, there will be a melt down. Don't let them climb too high or they could fall. Don't let that get out of hand, there could be trouble there.
Now, please know some of this is not bad. We need stability and especially children crave routine. We also thrive when things around us are not in chaos.
Yet recently, God has been challenging me on how I perceive comfort. And truly how we perceive our goals and life.
So...
Is comfort our main goal?
In a way, comfort and safety have been driving forces in my decisions for a long time. But if we do an inventory over the past, the challenges are what have given us the most knowledge and insight. Personally, the challenges have grown my faith.
Maybe our challenges are not distractions.
Maybe our challenges are from God to grow us.
As always, parenting is one of our greatest teachers. I have learned this best as a mother. No one watches their child fall while learning to walk for the first time and says "nope, walking is not for you" and stops them from ever walking again. No, we let them fall, encourage them to try it again and encourage them over and over. We tell them to try again on another school test or another dance routine. We watch them struggle a bit. And we know it is okay! It is actually so good for them.
How else are they going to strengthen their "try" muscles or increase their grit? Grit will take you farther than any grade in school.
Frankly, the world does not need any more entitled peeps running around. We need to stop idolizing safety and comfort for our children and for ourselves.
This life is meant to be lived not merely survived.
We can thrive, even in uncomfortable situations. Honestly, we can not thrive without being out of our comfort zones. So here's to stepping out of comfort to take some healthy risks.
Steps to assist with stepping out of our comfort zone:
Spend time in prayer with God about where He wants you. What is He saying or what kind of impression are you getting? God does not come down and speak openly forward to me, but I will notice trends or feel impressions on my heart. Maybe someone will pop in my mind out of the blue, so I will pray for them. Or maybe a verse will keep coming up over and over. Or maybe someone around you will mention something that is like whoa, I know that's from God. James 1:5
Just take a step. Do one part. Move forward. Paralysis Analysis is my best friend. I can think about something for a long time before acting on it. But that allows for fear to take a major block for me. So we beat fear out of the game by moving forward one step at a time.
Make progress your goal, not perfection. Emily Ley says "I will hold myself to standard of GRACE, not perfection."
I am a work in progress here. What are some things that help you in challenging times?
Love, B