Gain Grace in Parenting
“Good Morning to you, Good Morning to you, Good Morning my little child, Good Morning to you”
That’s how it all started. Since my kids were babies, I would sing that song sometimes to wake them up. I am not a morning person. I wake up earlier than them to get in coffee & Jesus, which allows me to sometimes sing to wake them up. So I go in to wake up one of my kiddos that will remain nameless and immediately “please stop singing”. I laugh it off, no biggie. Then said child starts to unravel with anger to start off the day. Yelling at “Alexa” to know the time, huffing and puffing while getting dressed, then angrily yelling at Alexa to get the weather report. As I am in the kitchen, I can hear this dynamic going down.
“Have no fear, this mom has been down this road before and she can handle this!”
So, I calmly walk in the room and say, “Hey you have plenty of time to get ready, there is no need for all this, it will be okay”. The anger from said child ensues. I see it in their eyes -the distress, the drama.
So I stop, I comfort and hug them to tell them its okay. NO!!! NO! that is not what I do. I loose my mind, people!
I am like “Oh this how you want to do morning time, yelling, mad, yelling at Alexa, barking at your momma, Oh well we can do it this way… get your clothes on, get our here for breakfast, growling at the kid, yelling back. Is this it? This how you like it? We can do it like this morning thing mad & yelling.”
Dear God, have mercy! That is how I handled a child’s meltdown by melting down with them. Bless…
There were tears and apologies later on. I would love to tell you we all went about our days with smiles, prayers and well wishes. But is was more like a half hug with a ” I love you” mumbled out the door.
Later that morning, I am so angry at myself and embarrassed. Have you ever been there? See for the last couple nights, I had been feeling like we were getting to bed too late and things were chaotic (more than usual). I had not been speaking up and getting in the bed earlier. So when all that went down, I was mad at myself for not speaking up the previous three nights. I was also mad at myself for all that I had been doing and exhausting myself.
When we are worn down, our tempers flare a lot quicker.
I had spent Monday doing way too much between home, work and kids. Nothing earth shattering just too much, like there were not four more days in the week.
But as the morning went on, I was reminded by my Heavenly Father that I am not called to perfection. I am not called to be Super Mom. I am also not called to manage my work, my home and my family 100% all the time. It is just not physically possible.
I started to look at the situation for what it really is.
Our school schedule had recently changed requiring earlier morning start times.
We have started back to school now 442 times. Back to school and new change is hard for said child. Predictability and order are their love languages.
Our evenings are just busier than they have ever been. Older kids have more homework, more activities and later finish times from school equaling less chill time at home<— Which we believe is vital!
I have a large deadline this week at work, so “Hello- Pressure”.
I have traveled the last two weekends for AMAZING times with family, friends & fellowship, but nonetheless it still being away.
I also was reminded of TRUTH in this situation. I always preach to my children, what is the truth in this situation? So I had to preach to myself.
Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1I can not let shame and condemnation settle in my soul about this. It will slowly kill my ability to move forward.
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7
I was operating out of fear that morning. I mean said child was disrespectful and momma ain’t got time for that. That anger comes out like— Oh, heck no you are going to talk to me like that! I can be afraid of being disrespected. I can be afraid they are going to grow up disrespectful and annoying- just sayin’. But these fears are not from my Loving Heavenly Father, so I have to cover them with truth. My Father has given me a spirit of power (I can thrive as the mother of these children), and of love (yikes, love was in that conversation but not the “spirit” of where the conversation went)Hello I lost my mind.But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9Friends, look our Heavenly father covers us. These kiddos are His before they are ours. This is not license to throw caution to the wind, because we have a responsibility. He has blessed us with the people in our lives, so He will empower and equip us to love on them.
Finally, a wise friend to told me once, that our children don’t need to see us always doing everything and being everything to everyone.They need to see us saying “no”, saying we are tired, talking about our stressful days. This world is hard. If we are always smiling, saying yes to everything, not admitting our limits, then what does that teach them?! We all need more authenticity in our lives!
Either way, we are loved by the only Perfect One. He is not keeping a record of our faults. He is covering us with His Grace and Favor. So shake off those human moments, talk to your kids honestly about where you are at, ask for forgiveness, say your sorry’s, laugh about it with a friend and move forward!
Love, B
